Journal Entry
3/14/07
It's been a little over 2 hours now...and I'm still crying. Dr. R called me this morning and told me that 2 of my eggs weren't mature enough to accept the sperm and the 3rd was fighting to hold on.
I started crying immediately. I felt horrible. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Dr. R told me that he wouldn't know for sure until tomorrow. I can't even explain how much I don't want tomorrow to come. I don't want to hear the bad news. He prepared me for the worse telling me it's been a concern this entire time.
He asked if I was ok and said, we could try something else.
I was so sure about our decision to only pay for one IVF cycle. I just felt that God would bless us the first time if he wanted us to have a baby. Then, to hear that chances are there isn't going to be a baby, I wondered what I did. I started replaying the bad decisions I've made, and relating them to why I'm not going to be pregnant.
I asked God, "Why???"
I truly feel that I'm a good mother and wife.
My daughter emerged from her room to see me crying. When I told her the news, she hugged me and told me how much she, her brother and sister loved me and that she was sorry. Still brings tears to my eyes. Our family wanted this baby so much.
I wish there would have been a sign. Something that would have told us that we weren't going to be successful. I mean, I knew that I wasn't producing many eggs and that my stimulation wasn't what the Dr had hoped it to be, but overall, he had a positive attitude.
I really saw us having this baby! I could feel it, see it...I guess it was just the fact that I wanted it so badly.
When I told my son the news, he held onto me, telling me several times how sorry he was. I asked him to pray for us and he said he would.
I know I shouldn't give up hope yet. I know that God works in mysterious ways and although I don't understand this now, he has an answer.
One of my friends reminded me that it only takes one and I'm begging God to save this one and bless us with this baby.
Megan (my sister) called me. The first thing she said was "I'll give you my eggs". She wanted to know how it can be done. I started feeling better knowing that she would do this for us.
When I called my friend, I burst into tears immediately. There really isn't anything anyone can say to make me "feel better", but I'd be lost without her...she's always positive and loves me like a sister as I do her.
For now...I'm signing off.
-Melissa
Showing posts with label IVF diary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IVF diary. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
A Journal Entry
Many couples will hit a "Bump in the road" during their fertility treatment.
Mine was this day. Below is my journal entry.
2/28/07
Yesterdays appointment didn't go as well as I hoped it would.
The Dr. now seems a bit concerned about how many eggs I will produce. I knew my egg count was a bit low for my age, but he didn't seem too worried about it.
However, at yesterday's appointment, he told me he's worried I won't produce the 12-17 follicles and eggs he'd like to see.
It seems that he isn't as much concerned about my body accepting the eggs, rather the ability to produce enough good eggs. Originally, he wanted to do a day 5 transfer, which means he'd grow the embryos 5 days and implant the best then. However, now he's thinking we'll have to do a day 3 transfer, which I'm perfectly ok with...just nervous.
I should have asked for a detailed explanation, but due to the Lupron I had a terrible migraine and random hot flashes and I didn't think to ask.
He said he was going to take a more aggressive approach for us since we are only doing one cycle. This sits fine with both my husband and I. We trust that he's been doing this long enough that he knows what to do to increase our chances of becoming pregnant.
As I sit here today, I'm praying that I produce plenty of good eggs for my retrieval and transfer and that we're expecting in a month!
Mine was this day. Below is my journal entry.
2/28/07
Yesterdays appointment didn't go as well as I hoped it would.
The Dr. now seems a bit concerned about how many eggs I will produce. I knew my egg count was a bit low for my age, but he didn't seem too worried about it.
However, at yesterday's appointment, he told me he's worried I won't produce the 12-17 follicles and eggs he'd like to see.
It seems that he isn't as much concerned about my body accepting the eggs, rather the ability to produce enough good eggs. Originally, he wanted to do a day 5 transfer, which means he'd grow the embryos 5 days and implant the best then. However, now he's thinking we'll have to do a day 3 transfer, which I'm perfectly ok with...just nervous.
I should have asked for a detailed explanation, but due to the Lupron I had a terrible migraine and random hot flashes and I didn't think to ask.
He said he was going to take a more aggressive approach for us since we are only doing one cycle. This sits fine with both my husband and I. We trust that he's been doing this long enough that he knows what to do to increase our chances of becoming pregnant.
As I sit here today, I'm praying that I produce plenty of good eggs for my retrieval and transfer and that we're expecting in a month!
Monday, February 26, 2007
17 days and counting!
I just got off the phone with the hospital manager from the Dr's office.
She called to remind me of my appointment tomorrow and what I needed to do. Such as remember my medications; I will be having another teaching tomorrow on how to give the next set of injections. She also wanted to let me know that I will be having more blood work done tomorrow and answered a few questions I had for her.
(1) I've read that I should be taking in more protein. Her answer was to follow all recommended dietary guidelines.
(2) Can I get a prescription for EMLA, a numbing creme used to help with the pain of the progesterone injections? The answer...no. This Dr. doesn't recommend that medication.
We're getting down to the wire. Next week we will have to be available around the clock...or between 8am-5pm anyway. :) I will have another blood test done on Monday, March 5th and ultrasounds approximately every other day from that point on, until the retrieval.
She reminded me that we are at a crucial point in this. Everything must stay on schedule and we are not to make any weekend plans for March 10 & 11th, as we may need to be there one or both of those days!
I'm having a hard time containing my excitement! This whole process is a dream come true. I've longed for another baby for years and now, it's going to happen and I truly couldn't be happier!
She called to remind me of my appointment tomorrow and what I needed to do. Such as remember my medications; I will be having another teaching tomorrow on how to give the next set of injections. She also wanted to let me know that I will be having more blood work done tomorrow and answered a few questions I had for her.
(1) I've read that I should be taking in more protein. Her answer was to follow all recommended dietary guidelines.
(2) Can I get a prescription for EMLA, a numbing creme used to help with the pain of the progesterone injections? The answer...no. This Dr. doesn't recommend that medication.
We're getting down to the wire. Next week we will have to be available around the clock...or between 8am-5pm anyway. :) I will have another blood test done on Monday, March 5th and ultrasounds approximately every other day from that point on, until the retrieval.
She reminded me that we are at a crucial point in this. Everything must stay on schedule and we are not to make any weekend plans for March 10 & 11th, as we may need to be there one or both of those days!
I'm having a hard time containing my excitement! This whole process is a dream come true. I've longed for another baby for years and now, it's going to happen and I truly couldn't be happier!
Friday, February 23, 2007
InVitro Fertilization through my eyes
In November 2006, my husband and I decided that we'd like to expand our family.
Now, as easy as that may sound to do, it wasn't going to happen the "good ol fashion" way. In 1996, when I was 21 and in an unsuccessful marriage, I made the decision to have my tubes tied after I delivered my 3rd child. At the time, it was the right choice for me. However, I regret not doing research to find other alternatives to tubal ligation.
Ok, fast forward to November 2006. My husband and I had been discussing babies for about 6 months and a few days after my nephew was born, we knew we had to give IVF a try!
Our first appointment with a specialist was December 7th. We were very excited to hear what the Dr. had to say.
We chose a Dr. in Manhattan Beach, CA. Our first appointment was a success. The Dr. told us that he felt we had a good chance of becoming pregnant due to my age, and the fact that I've already been pregnant and delivered three healthy children.
We were told to come back the third day of my next menstrual cycle. On cue, I arrived with bells and whistles. I couldn't wait to get started. My stomach was in knots. I was so excited at the opportunity to share a pregnancy and child birth with my husband. We went in thinking we would be able to do our transfer in February.
To my disappointment, my ultrasound showed eggs developing early. This set us a month behind. The Dr. told us we would have to wait until my next menstrual cycle to start. He gave me a prescription for birth control pills along with the instruction to start taking them on Day 1 of my cycle.
Although, I left the office sad because I didn't want another delay, I knew that for one reason or another it wasn't the "right" time.
I spent the next 25 days thinking about having a baby and counting down the days to my cycle. Finally, it arrived. I started taking the pill on day 1 of my cycle. The advantage to taking the pill on day 1, was that it was a light cycle with fewer cramps.
Day 3 of my cycle, we headed back to the Dr for another ultrasound. I prayed for my ovaries to be "quiet" so that we could move forward and they were!
We sat in the Dr's office and went over my IVF schedule. He ordered my prescriptions and warned us that the expense would be high. That day we paid $600 for our two office visits and two ultrasounds.
I went home on cloud 9! I couldn't wait to get home and share our good news with our family and friends. We now had a projected transfer date of March 15th!
On Feb. 9th we received the call from the pharmacy that our medications were in. Our cost, $2,065.15, not bad considering we were expecting them to be around $5,000.
On the 14th, I started an antibiotic called Doxycycline. This was given to me to prevent getting an infection from my upcoming SonoHSG.
About SonoHSG (copied from http://www.pinelandpress.com/):
"A hysterosalpingogram is where dye is injected into the uterus to look for anatomic problems, such as tube patency (if they are open), fibroids, polyps, or structural problems with the uterine cavity. This test is usually done in the first half of a woman's cycle, between days 7-10. A small catheter is inserted through the cervix in order to inject the dye, or, in some places, a balloon catheter is used to push dye through the cervix without actually threading anything through it. You'll be expected to turn a little as the doctor / radiologist takes pictures or views the process through something that looks a lot like an ultrasound. It should only last about 5 minutes. Some cramping and discomfort is common during the procedure and for a little while afterward. Also, some spotting is to be expected. Your doctor may prescribe antibiotics and suggest a painkiller be taken. Be sure to tell your doctor if you are allergic to shellfish. Women taking metformin (brand name Glucophage or GlucophageXR) should discuss whether the medication should be discontinued for a couple of days before the procedure."
This procedure was a bit uncomfortable.
My husband and I were also instructed on how to give my upcoming Lupron injections. It was a bit nerve wracking thinking about my husband giving me shots in my belly.
Monday, Feb. 19th, I begin my Lupron injections. I was terribly nervous about my husband giving me this injection, but even more uneasy with the thought of doing it myself. So, armed with my Lupron, a syringe and 2 alcohol pads, I take a deep breathe and reinstruct my husband on how to do it correctly. I then, stop him, restart him, then stop him yet again. I didn't like the look of the first needle, so had him get a new one. Then, I wanted a new alcohol pad. Finally, he begins to give me the injection while I let out a
"Eeeeekkkk" followed with a
"Are you almost done???"
Then, it was over....my belly stung for a few minutes and my husband decided that in order for tomorrow's injection to go better than today's, I would have to be quiet.
The following morning, I decided I should try to give myself the injection and to my surprise it went much easier!
Feb. 20th, payment day! I think this was the most painful part of the entire process. :) Our IVF bill was a bit higher than our initial quote because the Dr. decided to add on a couple of procedures to help our success rate.
Feb. 22nd, we headed back to the Dr for our mock transfer. The procedure felt like a single menstrual cramp and only lasted a few minutes. Everything went according to plan and we continue to stay on schedule.
That brings us to this weekend. Our weekend will be a quiet one. I took my last birth control pill on Thursday, so now I'm only taking the Lupron each morning.
Tuesday we have another ultrasound and injection teaching and I begin egg stimulation on Thursday with Repronex and Follistim!
More blogs to come on this subject!
Now, as easy as that may sound to do, it wasn't going to happen the "good ol fashion" way. In 1996, when I was 21 and in an unsuccessful marriage, I made the decision to have my tubes tied after I delivered my 3rd child. At the time, it was the right choice for me. However, I regret not doing research to find other alternatives to tubal ligation.
Ok, fast forward to November 2006. My husband and I had been discussing babies for about 6 months and a few days after my nephew was born, we knew we had to give IVF a try!
Our first appointment with a specialist was December 7th. We were very excited to hear what the Dr. had to say.
We chose a Dr. in Manhattan Beach, CA. Our first appointment was a success. The Dr. told us that he felt we had a good chance of becoming pregnant due to my age, and the fact that I've already been pregnant and delivered three healthy children.
We were told to come back the third day of my next menstrual cycle. On cue, I arrived with bells and whistles. I couldn't wait to get started. My stomach was in knots. I was so excited at the opportunity to share a pregnancy and child birth with my husband. We went in thinking we would be able to do our transfer in February.
To my disappointment, my ultrasound showed eggs developing early. This set us a month behind. The Dr. told us we would have to wait until my next menstrual cycle to start. He gave me a prescription for birth control pills along with the instruction to start taking them on Day 1 of my cycle.
Although, I left the office sad because I didn't want another delay, I knew that for one reason or another it wasn't the "right" time.
I spent the next 25 days thinking about having a baby and counting down the days to my cycle. Finally, it arrived. I started taking the pill on day 1 of my cycle. The advantage to taking the pill on day 1, was that it was a light cycle with fewer cramps.
Day 3 of my cycle, we headed back to the Dr for another ultrasound. I prayed for my ovaries to be "quiet" so that we could move forward and they were!
We sat in the Dr's office and went over my IVF schedule. He ordered my prescriptions and warned us that the expense would be high. That day we paid $600 for our two office visits and two ultrasounds.
I went home on cloud 9! I couldn't wait to get home and share our good news with our family and friends. We now had a projected transfer date of March 15th!
On Feb. 9th we received the call from the pharmacy that our medications were in. Our cost, $2,065.15, not bad considering we were expecting them to be around $5,000.
On the 14th, I started an antibiotic called Doxycycline. This was given to me to prevent getting an infection from my upcoming SonoHSG.
About SonoHSG (copied from http://www.pinelandpress.com/):
"A hysterosalpingogram is where dye is injected into the uterus to look for anatomic problems, such as tube patency (if they are open), fibroids, polyps, or structural problems with the uterine cavity. This test is usually done in the first half of a woman's cycle, between days 7-10. A small catheter is inserted through the cervix in order to inject the dye, or, in some places, a balloon catheter is used to push dye through the cervix without actually threading anything through it. You'll be expected to turn a little as the doctor / radiologist takes pictures or views the process through something that looks a lot like an ultrasound. It should only last about 5 minutes. Some cramping and discomfort is common during the procedure and for a little while afterward. Also, some spotting is to be expected. Your doctor may prescribe antibiotics and suggest a painkiller be taken. Be sure to tell your doctor if you are allergic to shellfish. Women taking metformin (brand name Glucophage or GlucophageXR) should discuss whether the medication should be discontinued for a couple of days before the procedure."
This procedure was a bit uncomfortable.
My husband and I were also instructed on how to give my upcoming Lupron injections. It was a bit nerve wracking thinking about my husband giving me shots in my belly.
Monday, Feb. 19th, I begin my Lupron injections. I was terribly nervous about my husband giving me this injection, but even more uneasy with the thought of doing it myself. So, armed with my Lupron, a syringe and 2 alcohol pads, I take a deep breathe and reinstruct my husband on how to do it correctly. I then, stop him, restart him, then stop him yet again. I didn't like the look of the first needle, so had him get a new one. Then, I wanted a new alcohol pad. Finally, he begins to give me the injection while I let out a
"Eeeeekkkk" followed with a
"Are you almost done???"
Then, it was over....my belly stung for a few minutes and my husband decided that in order for tomorrow's injection to go better than today's, I would have to be quiet.
The following morning, I decided I should try to give myself the injection and to my surprise it went much easier!
Feb. 20th, payment day! I think this was the most painful part of the entire process. :) Our IVF bill was a bit higher than our initial quote because the Dr. decided to add on a couple of procedures to help our success rate.
Feb. 22nd, we headed back to the Dr for our mock transfer. The procedure felt like a single menstrual cramp and only lasted a few minutes. Everything went according to plan and we continue to stay on schedule.
That brings us to this weekend. Our weekend will be a quiet one. I took my last birth control pill on Thursday, so now I'm only taking the Lupron each morning.
Tuesday we have another ultrasound and injection teaching and I begin egg stimulation on Thursday with Repronex and Follistim!
More blogs to come on this subject!
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